FAQ - Adoption
So as promised here are a few Q&A's about adoption that I am asked often. Also feel free to ask me anything about adoption, I have quite a few great resources and also feel pretty well informed too.
Q. Where is Lilly's REAL mom?
A. I am Lilly's Mom. Are you asking about her biological or birthmother? She lives in a different state and we send letters and pictures to her.
I am 100% Lilly's Mother, although I do share the title with another wonderful woman. Lilly's birthmother gave her life and I am the mother in her life. I know I will forever share Lilly with another beautiful daughter of God and I am grateful that I was choosen to become a mother through adoption. I love the quote I have posted on the side bar: "Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart - but in it." Fleur Conkling Heylinger
Q. - What is an "open" adoption?
A. - There are as many definitions for open adoption as there are individual situations. Usually when a person says they have an "open" adoption it means that the birthmother picked the parents for her child herself instead of the agency doing it for her, and can also mean that the birthmother, child, and parents share information about themselves and have various levels of contact.
Q. - Is your adoption open?
A. Sort of, Lilly's birthmother requested limited contact and so we send her letters and pictures. We would love to be able to share more of her life with her birthmother, but we honor her wishes and write really long letters to her because she told us she loves to read and we just love talking and writing about our lives with Lilly.
Q. - Is it healthy to have an open adoption?
A. I think so, although our adoption isn't fully open. I believe that as long as there are boundaries and love and respect an open adoption can be healthy. After all adoption really should be centered around the child, so if it's safe and loving for the child then it is healthy. It's also helpful to have an open relationship for genectic questions, there have already been a few times with Lilly when I wish I could just ask her birthfamily about genectic predispositions.
Q. - Aren't you worried that her birthfamily is going to try to take Lilly away?
A. - Nope, There are lots of reasons why this is not a concern to us at all
Lilly's Birthmother was soooooooo strong in her decision to place Lilly for adoption. She is a truelly amazing, strong, loving woman who was selfless and gave me the greatest gift of Motherhood.
There are laws that govern adoptions and we followed the laws and did everything accordingly.
Q. - Do you think that Lilly is going to like being adopted?
A - We don't really know yet, but I am sure Lilly will voice her opinion when she is old enough to understand fully. We always tell her things that we know about her birthmother and we also read her childrens books that are centered on adoption. We also show her a picture of her birthmother and tell her who she is and a little bit about her so she can have a face with a name. We also mention Lilly's birthmother in our family and personal prayers every day.
Q. - (From Janelle) Have you ever considered adopting abroad?
A. - Yes, but we feel that right now our next little one will be a domestic adoption. International adoption involves a lot more paperwork and more money. Right now to adopt an infant, non special needs internationally the wait is similar to domestic (around 2-3 years). We've been waiting for a little over a year so far so hopefully within the next year it will be the four of us :)
Q. - (From Marchet) My husband and I are considering adoption. What kind of questions should we ask ourselves to prepare for this kind of step?
A. -
Q. Where is Lilly's REAL mom?
A. I am Lilly's Mom. Are you asking about her biological or birthmother? She lives in a different state and we send letters and pictures to her.
I am 100% Lilly's Mother, although I do share the title with another wonderful woman. Lilly's birthmother gave her life and I am the mother in her life. I know I will forever share Lilly with another beautiful daughter of God and I am grateful that I was choosen to become a mother through adoption. I love the quote I have posted on the side bar: "Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart - but in it." Fleur Conkling Heylinger
Q. - What is an "open" adoption?
A. - There are as many definitions for open adoption as there are individual situations. Usually when a person says they have an "open" adoption it means that the birthmother picked the parents for her child herself instead of the agency doing it for her, and can also mean that the birthmother, child, and parents share information about themselves and have various levels of contact.
Q. - Is your adoption open?
A. Sort of, Lilly's birthmother requested limited contact and so we send her letters and pictures. We would love to be able to share more of her life with her birthmother, but we honor her wishes and write really long letters to her because she told us she loves to read and we just love talking and writing about our lives with Lilly.
Q. - Is it healthy to have an open adoption?
A. I think so, although our adoption isn't fully open. I believe that as long as there are boundaries and love and respect an open adoption can be healthy. After all adoption really should be centered around the child, so if it's safe and loving for the child then it is healthy. It's also helpful to have an open relationship for genectic questions, there have already been a few times with Lilly when I wish I could just ask her birthfamily about genectic predispositions.
Q. - Aren't you worried that her birthfamily is going to try to take Lilly away?
A. - Nope, There are lots of reasons why this is not a concern to us at all
Lilly's Birthmother was soooooooo strong in her decision to place Lilly for adoption. She is a truelly amazing, strong, loving woman who was selfless and gave me the greatest gift of Motherhood.
There are laws that govern adoptions and we followed the laws and did everything accordingly.
Q. - Do you think that Lilly is going to like being adopted?
A - We don't really know yet, but I am sure Lilly will voice her opinion when she is old enough to understand fully. We always tell her things that we know about her birthmother and we also read her childrens books that are centered on adoption. We also show her a picture of her birthmother and tell her who she is and a little bit about her so she can have a face with a name. We also mention Lilly's birthmother in our family and personal prayers every day.
Q. - (From Janelle) Have you ever considered adopting abroad?
A. - Yes, but we feel that right now our next little one will be a domestic adoption. International adoption involves a lot more paperwork and more money. Right now to adopt an infant, non special needs internationally the wait is similar to domestic (around 2-3 years). We've been waiting for a little over a year so far so hopefully within the next year it will be the four of us :)
Q. - (From Marchet) My husband and I are considering adoption. What kind of questions should we ask ourselves to prepare for this kind of step?
A. -
- A big question to ask is how much openess you would like to have with the birthparents, and the extended birthfamily (grandma's, grandpa's, aunts, uncles).
- Also, how much are you willing to extend financially.
- What type of special needs, could your family support. We recently recieved a call from our caseworker for a special needs infant with HIV and extreme drug exposure. Unfortunately, at this time we had to say no. It was a very difficult decision to say no, but Mike and I prayed about it and we decided our family doesn't have the resources to accept a terminally ill baby.
- Another big question is do you have a preference on gender or ethnicity. We do not have a specific race or gender listed on our preferences.
- There are tons of questions to ask yourself and to consider what is the best thing for your existing family. One thing that we did when we were asked about the special needs baby was call our pediatrician. She was wonderful and even called specialists for us and was so supportive. So while you are filling out the paperwork ask questions and use all of your resources.
Labels: adoption
posted by mandamike at
10:01 PM
2 Comments:
Amanda,
I am so proud to call you my daughter, you are intelligent, open, honest. I could go on forever. Your questions and answers on adoption are great, anyone considering adoption or considering having you as an adoptive parent are very lucky to have you to rely on.
I love you and pray everyday that you will have another special child to share your love with.
Mom
Thanks for answering my question. :) It was interesting to read the other ones, too. I pray for you guys EVERY NIGHT to have another baby. You truly are the most amazing parents I have ever met, and while it sucks waiting, I KNOW with everything that its only a matter of time for you guys. You are just too great of a family to not be blessed with more children. :)
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